Grab 'em By the Bulbs

Slice of Life: Day 18

Leaving for work this morning - the full moon so bright I thought I left an outside light on - I was reminded how onion grass has invaded my yard. Their glistening stalks like frozen explosions from the underground mock and trash-talk about a complete infiltration across the lawn as their bulbs contemplate their next move.

As soon as I arrived home, my mission began. I quickly learned these nasty buggers couldn’t be yanked, tugged, or pulled by hand, mowed or weed-whacked. They’d return. They are like the Michael Myers of weeds. Winter doesn’t destroy them; chemicals do but also kill surrounding grass and flowers. You must go all-out and dig, lifting the clump from the ground. Think pulling a troll doll by its hair, and the ugly doll-toy is wearing a dirt skirt surrounded by grass you’ll never see again. Dangling from the clump were massive clumps of bulbs that looked like sperm under a microscope. Well, these swimmers have met their doom. Snip-snip with the spade.

When I left in the morning, I estimated fifty, maybe sixty.

There are now over a hundred holes in my yard, and it looks like I aerated with a jackhammer.

As many bulbs as I bagged and trashed, I know some survived – my own Isla Sorna. It won’t be long until I walk out front, and they begin exploding under my feet with their incessant mockery.

I have rambled on enough. I planned to turn this into a metaphor for breaking bad habits, whether biting our nails, gossiping, overeating, making excuses not to exercise, or belittling loved ones with our lack of love, composure, and self-control. I think you get it; sometimes, we can’t pull bad habits out of our lives. Sometimes, you have to dig deep and grab those suckers by the bulbs.