*I did not edit or revise this because it would defeat the purpose of the exercise. Hope you enjoy it anyway. Hopefully, you understand it by the end.
I get one view. Just one. I suppose if I wanted to look at it another way, I have two. Straight ahead and straight back. So, two views, but one position. There are perks to being what I am. The human touch, for example. I crave it. It is few and far between and usually met with disapproving shouts, but it's my connection to my world. Both of them. The one straight ahead and one straight back.
The imprints don't ever last long. It's usually chaotic and the world behind me seems routine. So does the world in front, but not in the same way. Confinement versus the wide-open. At least I think it's wide open out there. My view is obstructed. Limited. Straight and narrow. Much like some people's views based on the many conversations I've overheard. This, you may think, is another perk. I disagree. Imagine ridiculous statements one after the other as if they are part of the routine -the same ones that wipe away my connection - and you can't rebuke or even reply. Just reminded that your position...my position or purpose isn't to partake in such events.
The same goes for joyous occasions. If I'm being honest, there's plenty of those too. Difficult sometimes to realize they outnumber and outweigh the bad ones, but it's easy to clip our emotions manifested from the bad ones on a wash line with a wavering wind. Joy, from my perch in the room, seems to change the mood and activities of those around me, but at the same time seems more difficult to sustain and even longer to achieve than it does its nemesis.
Rainy days make me feel homesick. It makes me feel something I cannot really explain. It's a connection, but unlike the ones that touch me. When I'm touched, it's the smears that I hope are not seen and kept with me for a little while longer. The feeling I get when it rains makes me miss something that I don't remember being part of. I can't distinguish between what I was before and what I am now. I just know what I am now. Even if I struggle with my purpose sometimes, it doesn't take long before I'm reminded. Because it's the sunny days that bring joy. Not mine per se. Not directly, anyway. I provide a view that seems to change the mood of those around me. With that view, options.
I remember one sunny day in particular. A neighbor had cut down a tree, leaving me with a whole new view of the world in front of me. With approaching laughter, I was touched. It lingered just for a moment only because the other one - the one that does the yelling sometimes - wasn't nearby at the moment. A gasp of joy followed as the hands left a long grayish streak. Then just as quickly as they came, the hands - my connection - left. But for good reason. Through my pane, the child saw one of the larger people approach in his wheeled contraption. Exiting, I noticed he was carrying a colorful bouquet which he handed to her, but not before she leaped into his arms. And there it was. Joy.
The joy lasted longer than it ever had before that moment. From understanding as much as I can, I sensed priorities were shifted. Tones altered. Acceptance more available. In one conversation before my blinds were closed and all went to bed, I learned why. When the person asked the other what had changed, the other simply replied, "I chose joy."
-Written by Aleva Ing Rumwindow
What does your window see?
Originally published on 10/4/16
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